To my blog readers:
Some time ago I wrote about the story of Stephanie and I. I have stayed mostly quiet about the relationship, but we knew fairly early on where it would lead – to the point that I had already told my parents that we were looking at their anniversary next year (September 8, 2007) as our own wedding date.
One weekend, while I was visiting her in Cincinnati, we made a very wrong decision (I won’t say “mistake”, because the choice was knowing and willing), and had sex. We both knew it was wrong, and because of that, we decided that we wanted to do right, to honor each other and God in our relationship – so, we made the choice to stop, and not to have sex again until after we were married. However, we found out a few weeks ago that she conceived, and is now pregnant.
First, I want you to know that we both know that what we did was wrong, and I am fully willing to confess that to you, the church, and my family – just as we have already done so to God. We won’t attempt to justify, rationalize, or excuse our actions – though, we did make the decision to repent of that sin, thanks to the conviction of the Spirit. Though we acted wrongly, our past decisions and actions do not have to dictate that we continue to decide and act wrongly from here, forward.
While I the gravity of our sin, have been convicted of that sin – and the sorrow for that sin has led to repentance, and the desire to right the wrong and not to continue sinning, I am not ashamed nor regretful for what happened. Likewise, while I realize that the pregnancy is a consequence of our actions, I do not think of it as a punishment. Rather, we both think of this pregnancy as a great blessing and a miracle.
(I believe we are scriptural in this viewpoint. Based on II Corinthians 7:10-11 (NIV):
10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.
And based on Isaiah 53:5 (NIV):
But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.
Christ bore the punishment for our sins on the cross.) That said, I know that we now must deal with the consequences – intended and unintended – for our decision and action.
To be completely honest, I am nervous and slightly scared, but mostly excited and humbled that, despite our sin, God would so amazingly bless us, and give us this great responsibility. I have always maintained that the two greatest desires of my life are to be a mssionary and to be a husband and father. While I know that the timing is not ideal, and that we likely now face struggles and difficulties that we would not have had to face had we not acted as we did, I am thankful that, even through our sin, God is in control of the situation, and directing every step – working even this situation for our good (Romans 8:28) and for His glory. Despite everything, we are excited about this blessing, and are looking forward to the start of our family – but we want to make sure that we make every effort to do everything right as much as possible.
Some time ago, I went to Cincinnati and moved Stephanie here to Saint Louis – it is my desire and responsibility to participate in every part of the pregnancy, and to ensure that Stephanie and the baby are taken care of. We intend to be married, at the very least, legally, so that my medical insurance will cover both of them, and also because it is important that, while the baby was conceived out of marriage, that the baby should be born in marriage. Though the baby was conceived in sin, there is no reason that the baby should not be born into a family under God’s blessing – and that is our desire.
While we work out all the details, I am moving Stephanie into the basement in the house where I now live. I don’t want the living arrangement to be long-term at all, unless we can work out the details to be married very soon. (Stephanie had already been looking at job opportunities and apartments here in Saint Louis, before we found out we were pregnant. She still wants to work, as long as the doctor will allow it, and we do not want to live together, unmarried.) Again, we want to do things right.
Stephanie is worried about how this pregnancy will affect our and my standing in the church. I told her that I believe that we would not be outcast because we acted in sin. (Certainly, if we were still choosing willingly to act in sin and rebellion, by continuing to have sex outside of marriage, etc., then the church would obviously not condone such action.) I recognize that, at least until we are rightfully married in the eyes of God and the church, that certainly any type of leadership position would be compromised – but, as of yet, I have not pursued any such positions, but only positions of service. Perhaps I have jeopardized any future opportunity to serve in church leadership, according to the Biblical qualifications for elders/deacons, but I would hope that this situation would not compromise my ability to continue serving in the church.
Ultimately, this experience is extremely humbling – both in the face of confessing and repenting of sin that both of us committed knowingly and willingly, and also in the realization of the great, awesome responsibility with which we have just been blessed. I am somewhat nervous about telling family and friends, because I know many will be surprised and disappointed. (I introduced Stephanie to my parents and extended family Labor Day weekend, and that weekend we also told my parents and grandmother about our pregnancy.) That said, I know that every one of us is a sinner, and any judgemental reactions really come from an unrealistic expectation that I would be exempted from the truth that all have sinned, and have fallen short of the glory of God. I know that my family will be disappointed, and that the disappointment, especially from my parents, is fully justified. I was raised knowing right from wrong, and trained to make right decisions. I recognize that I have failed them, in addition to my sin against God (and, truly, against Stephanie).
At the same time, no matter the initial disappointment, I know that my parents will be accepting, loving, and supportive. I hope and believe that the church will be the same.
To my Destiny Church family:
We are two sinners, in need of that support. I want you to know that I submit myself, and us, to the authority and direction of the church, so that we proceed in a godly and scriptural manner. I know that I need other men in the church, to whom I can hold myself accountable, and who can offer advice and support. Stephane likewise could use people in the church, both to offer her support and advice through the pregnancy, and our relationship – but also because she has moved to a new state and city, which has her somewhat scared and nervous, as well.
And, ultimately, we need and would appreciate the prayer support of the church.
Well, that pretty much encapsulates my thoughts and feelings right now. I have pretty well gone through the gamut of emotions, but in the end I remain amazed and blessed that we now have a developing child to raise as part of our family. I have so wanted to tell everyone the news, but it was extremely important that I be able to tell my parents in person and share this experience with them as much as possible, and that Stephanie be able to tell her family, before we officially made our news public information. I hope you will share with us in our joy and excitement, and that you will pray for God’s protection and direction as we move forward in our lives together, with this wonderful blessing!
Photo © Chip Bennett, all rights reserved.
