Burying the Hatchet

Filed in PersonalTags: Palliative Polemic

So all that snow we got yesterday is melting off today...there's still some around, but the 6-7 inches we got is down to 1-2...never a dull moment. But I'm not complaining, I'm just ready for spring to be here finally.

I had my usual talk with my parents today. We always talk on the phone on Sunday evenings, just to keep in touch. I've never been one to be homesick at all, but I am close to my parents. So it's good to talk to them regularly. Things are pretty much normal at home. We talked about graduation and my job search. I've got two interviews coming up: one this week, one next week. We'll see how those go. We talked about graduation because my mom is worrying about planning my graduation reception. We decided to have it here at the house, and have it catered. Such things would have been a lot easier, logistically, before my parents moved (more correctly, were transferred) to Maryland. But we have plenty of time to get it all worked out.

Thinking about graduation made me think about high school. My five-year high school reunion is this summer. I've got mixed feelings about the whole thing. I guess I should explain a little bit about my high school experience. Now, I've never been shy, inhibited, or otherwise introverted. But in high school, I was never in the "in" social crowd. To be honest, I never wanted to be. I was the typical band/academic geek. Heck, I still am. Not to say that I didn't have friends in the "in" crowd. I've always been one who could make friends in just about any situation. It's actually kind of funny how my progression along the social ladder developed. My first six years and my last six years pretty much mirrored each other. In junior high, and early high school, I was the one that a lot of people liked to pick on. Looking back, I actually asked for some of it. I didn't develop a lot of social grace until the later years. But I was also overweight from about third grade on. Now, I've always been a pretty strong person inside, so most of it never got to me. But it left a bad taste in my mouth toward the people I grew up with. As I began to grow and mature, I found that I was more at ease socially with my classmates. And by my senior year, I was generally accepted, although I still did not "hang out" with the in crowd. No matter; for the most part I had earned the respect of my peers, which was enough for me. But when I graduated, I still had a distaste for what I had experienced. Now, this distaste creates a difficult situation, as I also am someone who generally is unable to hold a grudge. But until recently, I had let the bitterness toward my high school experience linger. I've finally realized that in order to be truly happy and at peace with myself, I must forgive all, and let go the bitterness. So that's what I'm doing. And the reunion this summer will be my first opportunity to bury a lot of old hatchets. And it is true, time does help heal all wounds. As I look back, I realize that a lot of what I went through was a result of a lack of maturity on the part of my schoolmates. My experiences also helped me grow up and mature socially, and I recognize that now. I never could have back then. I now realize (as I did then too, in part) that a lot of the problems I faced were due to the different set of values by which I have lived my life. I've always been a person with direction and a competitive spirit. I've always had the inner strength to drive myself toward whatever I wanted to achieve. To be honest, high school was a joke to me. I found very little challenge there, academically. I challenged myself in other ways. (Now, there were some obvious exceptions; namely, some of the teachers there who pushed their students always to do their best, like Mr. Smith, Mr. Rice, and Ms. Davis, among others.) I also had more of a world vision than most of the students there. Three times by my freshman year of high school, I had been out of the country on mission trips. I had gained a much greater understanding of the things that were really the most important in life. I guess I just grew up faster than the normal teenager. Looking back, I just really didn't relate to a lot of my classmates, and they probably didn't know how to handle me. A perfect example: the band took a trip to King's Island my junior year. I actually spent about half the day hanging out with the chaperones, by choice. I enjoyed the company and the conversation more. I know; I'm strange; what can I say 🙂 Going away to college, for me, was the perfect opportunity to wipe the proverbial slate clean. Only a handful of people knew me when I got to college. I didn't try to change myself or my image; rather, I made myself believe that others around me would accept me for who I am. That belief was proven true, overwhelmingly. So now, I intend to go to my high school reunion with the same belief; that after five years, my old high school classmates will accept me for who I am.

I had planned on writing more, but I think what I have written will do for today. Interestingly, the more I am writing these journal entries, the more I think of to write. So, I'm sure I'll have no problems continuing tomorrow.